she has walked this route so many times she can navigate by the grit of the stone beneath her feet and the forks of the branches <<linkreplace "above.">>above.
but just as she steps onto the [[lawn,|hole opens]] <</linkreplace>>she's standing again on the path to their house, and all she can focus her eyes on are the leafless branches above, splintering the white banks of cloud like strips of lead upon stained [[glass.|—and instead—]]she's standing again on the path to their house, and all she can focus her eyes on are the leafless branches above, splintering the white banks of cloud like strips of lead upon stained glass.
[[back|xtime3]]
[[forward|next1]]<<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she’s<</if>> standing again on<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>path<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>sparrow's house,<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>all <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> <<if $canHave is true>> <<else>>can<</if>> focus <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> <<if $eyesHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[eyes|through time2]]>><<set $eyesHave to true>><</link>><</if>> on are<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>leafless branches above, splintering<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>><<if $whiteHave is true>> <<else>>white<</if>> banks <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> <<if $cloudHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[cloud|through time2]]>><<set $cloudHave to true>><</link>><</if>> like strips <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> lead upon [[stained|time3]] <<if $glassHave is true>> <<else>>glass<</if>>.
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time3]]<</if>><<set $inventory to []>>
<<set $cloud to false>>
<<set $she to false>>
<<set $reach to false>>
<<set $her to false>>
<<set $hand to false>>
<<set $out to false>>
<<set $and to false>>
<<set $cold to false>>
<<set $glass to false>>
<<set $under to false>>
<<set $them to false>>
<<set $ladder to false>>
<<set $place to false>>
<<set $over to false>>
<<set $other to false>>
<<set $climb to false>>
<<set $reflexive to false>>
<<set $movement to false>>
<<set $gradually to false>>
<<set $become to false>>
<<set $light to false>>
<<set $as to false>>
<<set $thick to false>>
<<set $wax to false>>
<<set $is to false>>
<<set $dissolving to false>>
<<set $eyes to false>>
<<set $begin to false>>
<<set $see to false>>
<<set $shape to false>>
<<set $plum to false>>
<<set $dark to false>>
<<set $then to false>>
<<set $pale to false>>
<<set $lilac to false>>
<<set $white to false>>
<<set $has to false>>
<<set $that to false>>
<<set $step to false>>
<<set $now to false>>
<<set $they to false>>
<<set $will to false>>
<<set $take to false>>
<<set $somewhere to false>>
<<set $keep to false>>
<<set $it to false>>
<<set $or to false>>
<<set $navigate to false>>
<<set $feet to false>>
<<set $off to false>>
<<set $can to false>>
<<set $feel to false>><<if $glassHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[glass|time3]]>><<set $glassHave to true>><</link>><</if>> crystals fall from<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>shards <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> sky. <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> lays<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>palm <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> <<if $oneHave is true>> <<else>> one<</if>> <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> <<if $handHave is true>> <<else>>hands<</if>> on top <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>><<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>back <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> another,
criss-crossed, star-crossed, forming<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>[[bird|time4]].
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time4]]
[[forward|through time2]]<</if>>the back <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> their head against<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>window <<if $glassHave is true>> <<else>>glass.<</if>> <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> traces<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>outline with <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> gaze, tenderly, holding <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> desire like<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>stick <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> willow charcoal <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> mustn’t break. it’s just their silhouette<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>the <<if $lilacHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[lilac|time4]]>><<set $lilacHave to true>><</link>><</if>> dusk until <<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they<</if>> turn<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>look towards <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>><<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>all<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>air in<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>room seems<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>move at once,<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>murmuration <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> particles,<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>huge wing beating against<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>stillness.
everything’s constantly in some state <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> appearance<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>[[reappearance|time5]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time5]]
[[forward|time3]]<</if>>but <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> course everything is stilled by <<if $thickHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[thick|time6]]>><<set $inventory to $inventory.concat($thick)>><<set $thickHave to true>><</link>><</if>> <<if $coldHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[cold|time6]]>><<set $inventory to $inventory.concat($cold)>><<set $coldHave to true>><</link>><</if>><<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>the ice doesn’t break.<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>sparrow walks<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>><<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>><<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>><<if $reachHave is true>> <<else>>reaches<</if>> for <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> <<if $handHave is true>> <<else>>hand<</if>><<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>leads <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> forwards onto<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>ice.
don’t be so worried, <<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they<</if>> say.<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>water <<if $canHave is true>> <<else>>can't<</if>> be more than<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>><<if $footHave is true>> <<else>>foot<</if>> deep anyways.
<<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they<</if>> walk forward<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>stand side by side,<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>ice unbreaking below <<if $themHave is true>> <<else>>them,<</if>> overcast sky above. silent.<<if $nowHave is true>> <<else>>now<</if>> what <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she's<</if>> listening<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>is<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>echo <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> <<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>><<if $feelHave is true>> <<else>>feeling<</if>> <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> their fingers [[intertwining|time7]].
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time7]]
[[forward|time5]]<</if>>even though <<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they're<</if>> so close<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>shore,<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>it’s just<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>pond,<<if $itHave is true>> <<else>> it <</if>><<if $feelHave is true>> <<else>>feels<</if>><<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>><<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> like there’s no knowing how deep<<if $itHave is true>> <<else>> it <</if>>could be underneath,<<if $ifHave is true>> <<else>> if <</if>>in fact below<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>ice<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>water could continue down until<<if $itHave is true>> <<else>> it <</if>><<if $becomeHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[becomes|time7]]>><<set $inventory to $inventory.concat($become)>><<set $becomeHave to true>><</link>><</if>><<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>><<if $placeHave is true>>[[separate|time8]]<<else>> separate<</if>> <<if $placeHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[place|time7]]>><<set $inventory to $inventory.concat($place)>><<set $placeHave to true>><</link>>.<</if>>
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time8]]
[[forward|time6]]<</if>><<if $thenHave is true>> <<else>>then<</if>> — sharp crack <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> ice snapping <<if $somewhereHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[somewhere|time8]]>><<set $inventory to $inventory.concat($somewhere)>><<set $somewhereHave to true>><</link>><</if>> below<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>><<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they<</if>> both scream<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>laugh<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>shuffle back to <<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>safety <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> solid ground.
looking back <<if $outHave is true>> <<else>>out <</if>>at<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>pond,<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>ice is unscathed except for<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>two sets <<if $stepHave is true>>[[of|time9]]<<else>> <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> <</if>> <<if $feetHave is true>> <<else>>foot<</if>>-<<if $stepHave is true>> <<else>>[[steps|time9]].<</if>>
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time9]]
[[forward|time7]]<</if>>sparrow is walking <<if $outHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[out|time5]]>><<set $inventory to $inventory.concat($out)>><<set $outHave to true>><</link>><</if>> onto <<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>> pond ice, scraping away powdery snow as <<if $themHave is true>> <<else>> they <</if>> <<if $stepHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[step|time5]]>><<set $inventory to $inventory.concat($step)>><<set $stepHave to true>><</link>><</if>> forward.
<<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>> she <</if>> waits on <<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>> edge for <<if $themHave is true>> <<else>> them, <</if>> nervous, her <<if $feetHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[feet|time5]]>><<set $inventory to $inventory.concat($feet)>><<set $feetHave to true>><</link>><</if>> crushing <<if $paleHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[pale|time5]]>><<set $inventory to $inventory.concat($pale)>><<set $paleHave to true>><</link>><</if>> dried pond-weed, anticipating <<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>> sound <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> <<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>> surface breaking <<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>> <<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>> way <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>> she <</if>> will <<if $feelHave is true>> <<else>> feel <</if>> cracked in half, too, <<if $ifHave is true>> <<else>> if, <</if>> [[when|time6]].
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time6]]
[[forward|time4]]<</if>>the low sun pulls many colours through <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> half-closed eyelashes.
ice beads<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>ends <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> every branch. frost spikes<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>grass.
these days,<<if $itHave is true>> <<else>> it <</if>><<if $feelHave is true>> <<else>>feels<</if>> like<<if $itHave is true>> <<else>> it <</if>>never actually gets <<if $lightHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[light|time9]]>><<set $inventory to $inventory.concat($light)>><<set $lightHave to true>><</link>><</if>> — instead,<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>bruised <<if $cloudHave is true>> <<else>>clouds<</if>> just lift for<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>second,<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>><<if $thenHave is true>> <<else>>then<</if>><<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>woods fall back <<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>><<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>perpetual [[dusk|time10]].
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time10]]
[[forward|time8]]<</if>><<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> watches sparrow digging in<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>snow by their door, searching for botanical survivors.
a few spots <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> fresh black soil atop<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>><<if $whiteHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[white.|time11]]>><<set $whiteHave to true>><</link>><</if>> spilled ink on<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>piece <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> paper. <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> <<if $feelHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[feels|time11]]>><<set $feelHave to true>><</link>><</if>> inside <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> chest something splinter slightly.
what are you looking for, <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> asks.
this, <<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they<</if>> say,<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>><<if $handHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[hand|time11]]>><<set $handHave to true>><</link>><</if>><<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>sprig <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> wintergreen<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>><<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>><<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>><<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> pulls<<if $offHave is true>> <<else>> off <</if>><<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>><<if $cloudHave is true>> <<else>>cloudy<</if>> pink berry<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>chews it. sudden <<if $waxHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[waxy|time11]]>><<set $waxHave to true>><</link>><</if>> crush <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> mint between <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> teeth. <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> laughs in surprise at<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>[[taste|time12]].
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time12]]
[[forward|time10]]<</if>>the winter is<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>same way. sometimes<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>snow <<if $willHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[will|time10]]>><<set $inventory to $inventory.concat($will)>><<set $willHave to true>><</link>><</if>> melt but only so<<if $itHave is true>> <<else>> it <</if>><<if $canHave is true>> <<else>>can<</if>> freeze again<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>next day, slicking everything into mirrors <<if $thatHave is true>> <<else>>that<</if>> play back <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> every <<if $movementHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[movement.|time10]]>><<set $inventory to $inventory.concat($movement)>><<set $movementHave to true>><</link>><</if>>
<<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she's<</if>> not sure when<<if $itHave is true>> <<else>> it <</if>>began, or when<<if $itHave is true>> <<else>> it <</if>><<if $willHave is true>> <<else>>will<</if>> [[end|time11]].
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time11]]
[[forward|time9]]<</if>><<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[she|time12]]>><<set $sheHave to true>><</link>><</if>> wakes suddenly from <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> dream.
<<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she's<</if>> lying on<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>stone hearth, <<if $somewhereHave is true>> <<else>>somewhere<</if>> between midnight<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>dawn.<<if $itHave is true>> <<else>> it <</if>>is <<if $darkHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[dark|time12]]>><<set $darkHave to true>><</link>><</if>> but for<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>barest hint <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> <<if $lightHave is true>> <<else>>light<</if>> <<if $dissolvingHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[dissolving|time12]]>><<set $dissolvingHave to true>><</link>><</if>> amid<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>embers.
<<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> cotton nightgown is crushed below <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her.<</if>> <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> presses <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> arms<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>><<if $handHave is true>> <<else>>hands<</if>> against<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>><<if $coldHave is true>> <<else>>cold<</if>> ground<<if $asHave is true>> <<else>> as <</if>>if <<if $thatHave is true>> <<else>>that<</if>> <<if $willHave is true>> <<else>>will<</if>> let <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> fuse with<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>granite. <<if $becomeHave is true>> <<else>>become<</if>> still<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>incapable <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> hunger.
immobilized this way, <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> <<if $beginHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[begins|time12]]>><<set $beginHave to true>><</link>><</if>> <<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>listen <<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>><<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>rise<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>fall <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> their breath, from their bed behind <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her.<</if>>
i am<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>single point in<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>vast expense <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> absence, <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> [[thinks|time13]].
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time13]]
[[forward|time11]]<</if>>a shining <<if $glassHave is true>> <<else>>glass<</if>> <<if $ladderHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[ladder|time13]]>><<set $ladderHave to true>><</link>><</if>> before <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>>.
<<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> <<if $canHave is true>> <<else>>can't<</if>> <<if $seeHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[see|time13]]>><<set $seeHave to true>><</link>><</if>> where it <<if $reachHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[reaches|time13]]>><<set $reachHave to true>><</link>><</if>> but <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> knows it’s<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>way out.
and just<<if $asHave is true>> <<else>> as <</if>><<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> starts<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>move<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>><<if $climbHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[climb|time13]]>><<set $climbHave to true>><</link>><</if>><<if $itHave is true>> <<else>> [[it|time14]] <</if>> —
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time14]]
[[forward|time12]]<</if>>the two <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> <<if $themHave is true>> <<else>>them<</if>> are in<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>churchyard<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>><<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she's<</if>> noticing <<if $thatHave is true>> <<else>>that<</if>> paint is <<if $graduallyHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[gradually|time14]]>><<set $graduallyHave to true>><</link>><</if>> starting<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>peel <<if $offHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[off|time14]]>><<set $offHave to true>><</link>><</if>><<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>wood shingle sides. this <<if $canHave is true>> <<else>>can<</if>> only <<if $keepHave is true>> <<else>>keep<</if>> happening.
sparrow points<<if $outHave is true>> <<else>>out<</if>>two graves in<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>yard. <<if $oneHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[one|time14]]>><<set $oneHave to true>><</link>> <</if>>their father,<<if $oneHave is true>> <<else>> one<</if>> their brother.
i wonder what’s <<if $underHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[under|time14]]>><<set $underHave to true>><</link>><</if>> there <<if $nowHave is true>> <<else>>now<</if>>, <<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they<</if>> say.
<<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> doesn’t know what<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>say<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>this. <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> <<if $canHave is true>> <<else>>can't<</if>> imagine there being anything except<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>lack.
the lands around<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>church look like <<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they<</if>> would have been very pretty once. there are small trees around<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>border — dog-wood, sour cherry, <<if $plumHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[plum,|time14]]>><<set $plumHave to true>><</link>><</if>> honey-suckle, — but <<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they<</if>> have few remaining flowers<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>leaves,<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>everything’s glazed <<if $overHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[over|time14]]>><<set $overHave to true>><</link>><</if>> with clear shining [[ice|time15]].
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time15]]
[[forward|time13]]<</if>>veins <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> schist tumble through<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>rock face,
melting<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>bending<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>folding<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>now forever still.
<<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> sketches <<if $themHave is true>> <<else>>them<</if>> in <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> little notebook, graphite scratch against<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>slightly warped paper.<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>act <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> tracing <<if $themHave is true>> <<else>>them<</if>> is<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> an <</if>>act <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> connection. <<if $takeHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[taking|time15]]>><<set $takeHave to true>><</link>><</if>><<if $outHave is true>> <<else>>out<</if>>some part <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> this impossibly long stretch <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> time for <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>><<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>><<if $keepHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[keep.|time15]]>><<set $keepHave to true>><</link>><</if>>
what are you drawing?
just <<if $shapeHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[shapes,|time15]]>><<set $shapeHave to true>><</link>><</if>> <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> answers.
sparrow steps forward<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>traces their finger along<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>bright lines.
you <<if $canHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[can|time15]]>><<set $canHave to true>><</link>><</if>> sort <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> <<if $seeHave is true>> <<else>>see <</if>><<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>form <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>><<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>person here. <<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>tall woman in full skirts. look— <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> face is in profile, turned this way—
<<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> picks up <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> pencil again but <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she’s<</if>> not tracing<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>><<if $shapeHave is true>> <<else>>shapes,<</if>> or<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>people, <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she's<</if>> sketching<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>way sparrow’s hair falls around<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>nape <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> their neck,<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>><<if $reflexiveHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[reflexive|time15]]>><<set $reflexiveHave to true>><</link>><</if>> instinct<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>catalog these things, another detail filed away, like <<if $thatHave is true>> <<else>>that<</if>> could be<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> an <</if>>alternative<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>touch, or<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>remedy for some future problem <<if $thatHave is true>> <<else>>that<</if>> <<if $canHave is true>> <<else>>can't<</if>> even form in <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> [[mind|time16]]
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time16]]
[[forward|time14]]<</if>><<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she’s<</if>> walking alone through<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>woods <<if $andHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[and|time16]]>><<set $andHave to true>><</link>><</if>><<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>> winter air is slicing <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[her|time16]]>><<set $herHave to true>><</link>><</if>> into [[halves|time17]].
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time17]]
[[forward|time15]]<</if>><<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they're<</if>> walking across <<if $theHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[the|time17]]>> <<set $theHave to true>><</link>><</if>> frozen pond together<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>a harsh wind is blowing.
it’s not<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>time<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>do this but when is?
<<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> <<if $reachHave is true>> <<else>>reaches<</if>> across, <<if $takeHave is true>> <<else>>takes<</if>> their <<if $handHave is true>> <<else>>hand<</if>> in <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>hers,<</if>> <<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they<</if>> <<if $keepHave is true>> <<else>>keep<</if>> walking like nothing <<if $hasHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[has|time17]]>><<set $hasHave to true>><</link>><</if>> happened except<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>><<if $feelHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[feeling|time17]]>><<set $feelHave to true>><</link>><</if>> <<if $thatHave is true>> <<else>>that<</if>> some bright <<if $lightHave is true>> <<else>>light<</if>> is about <<if $toHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[to|time17]]>><<set $toHave to true>><</link>><</if>> pierce [[through|time18]].
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time18]]
[[forward|time16]]<</if>><<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they<</if>> pause,<<if $asHave is true>> <<else>> as <</if>><<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they<</if>> always do, when <<if $theyHave is true>> <<else>>they<</if>> <<if $reachHave is true>> <<else>>reach<</if>><<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>centre <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>><<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>ice<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>step closer together,<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>their <<if $eyesHave is true>> <<else>>eyes<</if>> are very close,<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>>something implacable is given<<if $andHave is true>> <<else>> and <</if>><<if $takeHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[taken|time18]]>><<set $takeHave to true>><</link>><</if>> through <<if $thatHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[that|time18]]>><<set $thatHave to true>><</link>><</if>> double-edged gaze, something <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> knows <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> <<if $canHave is true>> <<else>>can't<</if>> [[return|time19]],
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time19]]
[[forward|time17]]<</if>>
<<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> <<if $canHave is true>> <<else>>can’t<</if>>return.
alone in<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>house <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> tries<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>remember<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>><<if $feelHave is true>> <<else>>feeling<</if>> <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[of|time19]]>><<set $ofHave to true>><</link>><</if>> melting. <<if $itHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[it’s|time19]]>><<set $itHave to true>><</link>><</if>> hard for <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>><<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>think <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> <<if $nowHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[now.|time19]]>><<set $nowHave to true>><</link>><</if>>
<<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> <<if $takeHave is true>> <<else>>takes<</if>><<if $aHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[a|time19]]>><<set $aHave to true>><</link>><</if>> pebble<<if $offHave is true>> <<else>> off <</if>><<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>mantlepiece, rolls<<if $itHave is true>> <<else>> it <</if>>around in<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>[[palm|time20]] <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> <<if $handHave is true>> <<else>>hand<</if>>.
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time20]]
[[forward|time18]]<</if>><<if $itHave is true>> <<else>> it <</if>> was<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>plume <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> smoke <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> saw first, feathering<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>horizon in<<if $aHave is true>> <<else>> a <</if>>way <<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> had forgotten<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>expect.
<<if $orHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[or|time20]]>><<set $orHave to true>><</link>><</if>> was <<if $itHave is true>> <<else>> it <</if>><<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>figure framed against<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>><<if $whiteHave is true>> <<else>>white<</if>> clearing, dancing, leaping,
<<if $thenHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[then|time20]]>><<set $thenHave to true>><</link>><</if>> sparrow sitting by<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>fire, holding their damp <<if $handHave is true>> <<else>>hands<</if>><<if $outHave is true>> <<else>>out<</if>>in front <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>> <<if $themHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[them|time20]]>><<set $themHave to true>><</link>><</if>>
i’m still expecting [[spring,|time21]]
<<if $themHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[they|time20]]>><<set $themHave to true>><</link>><</if>>
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time21]]
[[forward|time19]]<</if>>quartz crystals projecting from<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>stone <<if $asHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[as|time21]]>><<set $asHave to true>><</link>><</if>> <<if $ifHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[if|time21]]>><<set $ifHave to true>><</link>><</if>> their <<if $shapeHave is true>> <<else>>shapes<</if>> attempt<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>break free.
<<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> tries<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>commit their form<<if $toHave is true>> <<else>> to <</if>>memory.
so <<if $thatHave is true>> <<else>>that<</if>> <<if $canHave is true>> <<else>>can<</if>> replace<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>><<if $otherHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[other|time21]]>><<set $otherHave to true>><</link>><</if>> things [[remembered|time22]].
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time22]]
[[forward|time20]]<</if>><<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she<</if>> <<if $isHave is true>> <<else>><<link [[is|time22]]>><<set $isHave to true>><</link>><</if>> taking <<if $stepHave is true>> <<else>>steps<</if>> across<<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>>snow, newly [[deep|time23]]
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time23]]
[[forward|time21]]<</if>><<if $sheHave is true>> <<else>>she’s<</if>> [[crushing|time24]] ice like <<if $glassHave is true>> <<else>>glass<</if>> between <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> <<if $handHave is true>> <<else>>hands<</if>>
[[call the end|build]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time24]]
[[forward|time22]]<</if>><<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>> <<if $feelHave is true>> <<else>>feeling<</if>> <<if $ofHave is true>> <<else>> of <</if>><<if $theHave is true>> <<else>> the <</if>><<if $coldHave is true>> <<else>>cold<</if>> <<if $dissolvingHave is true>> <<else>> dissolving <</if>> <<if $herHave is true>> <<else>>her<</if>> into [[crystals|time25]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>[[back|time25]]
[[forward|time23]]<</if>><<if $darkHave is true>> <<else>>dark<</if>>, [[forever|start]]
<<if $navigateHave is true>>
[[back|through time2]]
[[forward|time24]]<</if>><<if $sheHave is true>>she’s<<else>> <</if>> <<if $reachHave is true>>reaching <<else>> <</if>> <<if $herHave is true>>her <<else>> <</if>> <<if $handHave is true>>hands <<else>> <</if>> <<if $outHave is true>>out <<else>> <</if>> <<if $andHave is true>>and <<else>> <</if>> <<if $feelHave is true>>feeling <<else>> <</if>> <<if $coldHave is true>>cold <<else>> <</if>> <<if $glassHave is true>>glass <<else>> <</if>><<if $underHave is true>>under <<else>> <</if>> <<if $themHave is true>>them — <<else>> <</if>>
<<if $aHave is true>>a <<else>> <</if>><<if $ladderHave is true>>ladder. <<else>> <</if>> <<if $sheHave is true>>she<<else>> <</if>> <<if $placeHave is true>>places <<else>> <</if>> <<if $oneHave is true>>one<<else>> <</if>> <<if $feetHave is true>>foot <<else>> <</if>> <<if $overHave is true>>over <<else>> <</if>><<if $theHave is true>>the <<else>> <</if>> <<if $otherHave is true>>other <<else>> <</if>> <<if $andHave is true>>and <<else>> <</if>><<if $beginHave is true>>begins <<else>> <</if>><<if $toHave is true>>to <<else>> <</if>><<if $climbHave is true>>climb, <<else>> <</if>> <<if $aHave is true>>a <<else>> <</if>><<if $reachHave is true>>reflexive <<else>> <</if>> <<if $movementHave is true>>movement, <<else>> <</if>><<if $andHave is true>>and <<else>> <</if>> <<if $graduallyHave is true>>gradually <<else>> <</if>> <<if $itHave is true>>it <<else>> <</if>> <<if $becomeHave is true>>becomes <<else>> <</if>> <<if $lightHave is true>>light <<else>> <</if>> <<if $asHave is true>>as <<else>> <</if>> <<if $ifHave is true>>if <<else>> <</if>> <<if $thickHave is true>>thick <<else>> <</if>> <<if $waxHave is true>>wax <<else>> <</if>> <<if $isHave is true>>is <<else>> <</if>> <<if $dissolvingHave is true>>dissolving <<else>> <</if>> <<if $offHave is true>>off <<else>> <</if>> <<if $herHave is true>>her <<else>> <</if>> <<if $eyesHave is true>>eyes. <<else>> <</if>>
<<if $sheHave is true>>she<<else>> <</if>> <<if $beginHave is true>>begins <<else>> <</if>> <<if $toHave is true>>to <<else>> <</if>> <<if $seeHave is true>>see <<else>> <</if>> <<if $theHave is true>>the <<else>> <</if>> <<if $shapeHave is true>>shapes <<else>> <</if>> <<if $ofHave is true>>of <<else>> <</if>> <<if $cloudHave is true>>clouds, <<else>> <</if>>
<<if $plumHave is true>>plum-<<else>> <</if>><<if $darkHave is true>>dark <<else>> <</if>> <<if $andHave is true>>and <<else>> <</if>> <<if $thenHave is true>>then <<else>> <</if>> <<if $paleHave is true>>pale <<else>> <</if>> <<if $lilacHave is true>>lilac <<else>> <</if>> <<if $andHave is true>>and <<else>> <</if>> <<if $thenHave is true>>then <<else>> <</if>> <<if $whiteHave is true>>white, <<else>> <</if>>
<<if $andHave is true>>and <<else>> <</if>> <<if $sheHave is true>>she<<else>> <</if>> <<if $hasHave is true>>has<<else>> <</if>> <<if $theHave is true>>the<<else>> <</if>> <<if $feelHave is true>>feeling<<else>> <</if>> <<if $thatHave is true>>that<<else>> <</if>> <<if $ifHave is true>>if<<else>> <</if>> <<if $sheHave is true>>she<<else>> <</if>> <<if $stepHave is true>>steps<<else>> <</if>> <<if $offHave is true>>off<<else>> <</if>> <<if $nowHave is true>>now<<else>> <</if>> <<if $themHave is true>>they <<else>> <</if>> <<if $willHave is true>>will <<else>> <</if>> <<if $takeHave is true>>take <<else>> <</if>> <<if $herHave is true>>her <<else>> <</if>> <<if $eyesHave is true and $cloudHave is true and $glassHave is true and $lilacHave is true and $stepHave is true and $feetHave is true and $thickHave is true and $coldHave is true and $becomeHave is true and $somewhereHave is true and $lightHave is true and $willHave is true and $movementHave is true and $whiteHave is true and $feelHave is true and $handHave is true and $waxHave is true and $sheHave is true and $darkHave is true and $dissolvingHave is true and $beginHave is true and $ladderHave is true and $seeHave is true and $reachHave is true and $climbHave is true and $graduallyHave is true and $offHave is true and $plumHave is true and $takeHave is true and $keepHave is true and $shapeHave is true and $canHave is true and $reflexiveHave is true and $herHave is true and $hasHave is true and $feelHave is true and $thatHave is true and $itHave is true and $nowHave is true and $orHave is true and $thenHave is true and $themHave is true and $asHave is true and $otherHave is true and $isHave is true>> [[somewhere|through time]] <<elseif $somewhereHave is true>> somewhere, <<else>> <</if>>
<<if $orHave is true>>or<<else>> <</if>> <<if $sheHave is true>>she<<else>> <</if>> <<if $canHave is true>>can<<else>> <</if>> <<if $keepHave is true>>keep<<else>> <</if>> <<if $eyesHave is true and $cloudHave is true and $glassHave is true and $lilacHave is true and $stepHave is true and $feetHave is true and $thickHave is true and $coldHave is true and $becomeHave is true and $somewhereHave is true and $lightHave is true and $willHave is true and $movementHave is true and $whiteHave is true and $feelHave is true and $handHave is true and $waxHave is true and $sheHave is true and $darkHave is true and $dissolvingHave is true and $beginHave is true and $ladderHave is true and $seeHave is true and $reachHave is true and $climbHave is true and $graduallyHave is true and $offHave is true and $plumHave is true and $takeHave is true and $keepHave is true and $shapeHave is true and $canHave is true and $reflexiveHave is true and $herHave is true and $hasHave is true and $feelHave is true and $thatHave is true and $itHave is true and $nowHave is true and $orHave is true and $thenHave is true and $themHave is true and $asHave is true and $otherHave is true and $isHave is true>> [[climbing.|a new world]] <<elseif $climbHave is true>> climbing <<else>> <</if>>
<<if $eyesHave is true and $cloudHave is true and $glassHave is true and $lilacHave is true and $stepHave is true and $feetHave is true and $thickHave is true and $coldHave is true and $becomeHave is true and $somewhereHave is true and $lightHave is true and $willHave is true and $movementHave is true and $whiteHave is true and $feelHave is true and $handHave is true and $waxHave is true and $sheHave is true and $darkHave is true and $dissolvingHave is true and $beginHave is true and $ladderHave is true and $seeHave is true and $reachHave is true and $climbHave is true and $graduallyHave is true and $offHave is true and $plumHave is true and $takeHave is true and $keepHave is true and $shapeHave is true and $canHave is true and $reflexiveHave is true and $herHave is true and $hasHave is true and $feelHave is true and $thatHave is true and $itHave is true and $nowHave is true and $orHave is true and $thenHave is true and $themHave is true and $asHave is true and $otherHave is true and $isHave is true>>
<<else>> <<return "(she must turn back.)">> <<set $navigateHave to true>>
<</if>>this draft of a game/poem/fairy tale/spiral/white-out was created for shufflecomp 25. it's based entirely around one song, "a hole in the ground" by porridge radio, submitted by coral nulla.
i got coral into porridge radio, and coral got me into interactive fiction, so it kind of felt like fate for me to recieve this as a prompt.
whatever this project is, it certainly doesn't feel done. perhaps more development coming in the future?
i'll leave you with singer/songwriter dana margolin's words on the song:
//"This is a song about not knowing, being trapped in a haunted fairytale or a horrible nightmare and running and running and predicting horrible futures that come true and self-fulfill. It’s a gentle lullaby but it’s also a folk tale with a tragic ending. This is a song about knowing what you don’t know yet. Seeing the future by guessing, being right."//
[[back to game|start]]she has walked this route so many times she can navigate by the grit of the stone beneath her feet and the forks of the branches [[above.|next2]]small crystals fall from the shards of sky. she lays the palm of one of her hands on top of the back of another, criss-crossed, star-crossed, forming a bird.
[[back|xtime4]]
[[forward|through time]]the back of their head against the window glass. she traces the outline with her gaze, tenderly, holding her desire like a stick of willow charcoal she mustn’t break. it’s just their silhouette and the lilac dusk until they turn and look towards her and all the air in the room seems to move at once, a murmuration of particles, a huge wing beating against the stillness.
everything’s constantly in some state of appearance and reappearance.
[[back|xtime5]]
[[forward|xtime3]]sparrow is walking out onto the pond ice, delicately scraping away the powdery snow as they step forward.
she waits on the edge for them, nervous, her feet crushing pale dried pond-weed, anticipating the sound of the surface breaking and the way she will feel cracked in half, too, if, when.
[[back|xtime6]]
[[forward|xtime4]]but of course everything is stilled by thick cold and the ice doesn’t break. and sparrow walks to her and reaches for her hand and leads her forwards onto the ice.
//don’t be so worried,// they say. //the water can’t be more than a foot deep anyways.//
they walk forward and stand side by side, the ice unbreaking below them, overcast sky above. silent. now what she’s listening to is the echo of the feeling of their fingers intertwining.
[[back|xtime7]]
[[forward|xtime5]]
even though they’re so close to shore, and it’s just the pond, it feels to her like there’s no knowing how deep it could be underneath, if in fact below the ice the water could continue down until it becomes a separate place.
[[back|xtime8]]
[[forward|xtime6]]
then — sharp crack of ice snapping somewhere below and they both scream and laugh and shuffle back to the safety of solid ground.
looking back out at the pond, the ice is unscathed except for the two sets of foot-steps.
[[back|xtime9]]
[[forward|xtime7]]
the low sun pulls many colours through her half-closed eyelashes.
ice beads the ends of every branch. frost spikes the grass.
these days, it feels like it never actually gets light — instead, the bruised clouds just lift for a second, and then the woods fall back to a perpetual dusk.
[[back|xtime10]]
[[forward|xtime8]]the winter is the same way. sometimes the snow will melt but only so it can freeze again the next day, slicking everything into mirrors that play back her every movement.
she’s not sure when it began, or when it will end.
[[back|xtime11]]
[[forward|xtime9]]she watches sparrow digging in the snow by their door, searching for botanical survivors.
a few spots of fresh black soil atop the white. spilled ink on a piece of paper. she feels inside her chest something splinter slightly.
//what are you looking for,// she asks.
//this,// they say, and hand a sprig of wintergreen to her and she pulls off a cloudy pink berry and chews it. sudden waxy crush of mint between her teeth. she laughs in surprise at the taste.
[[back|xtime12]]
[[forward|xtime10]]
she wakes suddenly from her dream.
she’s lying on the stone hearth, somewhere between midnight and dawn. it is dark but for the barest hint of light dissolving amid the embers.
her cotton nightgown is crushed below her. she presses her arms and hands against the cold ground as if that will let her fuse with the granite. become still and incapable of hunger.
immobilized this way, she begins to listen to the rise and fall of their breath, from their bed behind her.
i am a single point in a vast expense of absence, she thinks.
[[back|xtime13]]
[[forward|xtime11]]//a shining glass ladder before her.
she can’t see where it reaches but she knows it’s a way out.
and just as she starts to move to climb it --//
[[back|xtime14]]
[[forward|xtime12]]
the two of them are in the churchyard and she’s noticing that paint is gradually starting to peel off the wood shingle sides. this can only keep happening.
sparrow points out two graves in the yard. one their father, one their brother.
//i wonder what’s under there now,// they say.
she doesn’t know what to say to this. she can’t imagine there being anything except a lack.
the lands around the church look like they would have been very pretty once. there are small trees around the border — dog-wood, sour cherry, plum, honey-suckle, — but they have few remaining flowers and leaves, and everything’s glazed over with clear shining ice.
[[back|xtime15]]
[[forward|xtime13]]veins of schist tumble through the rock face,
melting and bending and folding and now forever still.
she sketches them in her little notebook, graphite scratch against the slightly warped paper. the act of tracing them is an act of connection. taking out some part of this impossibly long stretch of time for her to keep.
what are you drawing?
//just shapes,// she answers.
sparrow steps forward and traces their finger along the bright lines.
//you can sort of see the form of a person here. a tall woman in full skirts. look— her face is in profile, turned this way—//
she picks up her pencil again but she’s not tracing the shapes, or the people, she’s sketching the way sparrow’s hair falls around the nape of their neck, a reflexive instinct to catalog these things, another detail filed away, like that could be an alternative to touch, or a remedy for some future problem that can’t even form in her mind.
[[back|xtime16]]
[[forward|xtime14]]she’s walking alone through the woods and the winter air is slicing her into halves.
[[back|xtime17]]
[[forward|xtime15]]
they’re walking across the frozen pond together and a harsh wind is blowing.
it’s not the time to do this but when is?
she reaches across, takes their hand in hers, they keep walking like nothing has happened except the feeling that some bright light is about to pierce through.
[[back|xtime18]]
[[forward|xtime16]]they pause, as they always do, when they reach the centre of the ice and step closer together, and their eyes are very close, and something implacable is given and taken through that double-edged gaze, something she knows she can’t return,
[[back|xtime19]]
[[forward|xtime17]]she can’t return.
alone in the house she tries to remember the feeling of melting. it’s hard for her to think of now.
she takes a pebble off the mantlepiece, rolls it around in the palm of her hand.
[[back|xtime20]]
[[forward|xtime18]]it was the plume of smoke she saw first, feathering the horizon in a way she had forgotten to expect.
or was it the person framed against the white clearing, dancing, leaping,
then sparrow sitting by the fire, holding their damp hands out in front of them,
//i’m still expecting spring,//
they said.
[[back|xtime21]]
[[forward|xtime19]]quartz crystals embedded in the stone as if their shapes attempt to break free.
she tries to commit their form to memory,
so that can replace the other things remembered.
[[back|xtime22]]
[[forward|xtime20]]she is taking steps across the snow, newly deep.
[[back|xtime23]]
[[forward|xtime21]]
she’s crushing ice like glass between her hands.
[[back|xtime24]]
[[forward|xtime22]]the feeling of the cold dissolving her into crystals,
[[back|xtime25]]
[[forward|xtime23]]dark, [[forever]] — lead
falls
from
her hands
forming
the outline
of
a [[wing|forever2]]
clouds like fresh snow.
clouds like chalk-dust coming off on her hands.
clouds like a pot boiling [[over.|new2]] it
echoes
down
[[below|forever3]] the winter
tastes of
[[hunger|forever4]]
slicing
[[time|forever5]] clearing
[[spring|forever6]] so
she
can break [[forever|start]]<<set $cloud to false>><<set $she to false>><<set $reach to false>><<set $her to false>><<set $hand to false>><<set $out to false>><<set $and to false>>
<<set $cold to false>><<set $glass to false>><<set $under to false>><<set $them to false>><<set $ladder to false>><<set $place to false>><<set $over to false>><<set $other to false>><<set $climb to false>><<set $reflexive to false>><<set $movement to false>><<set $gradually to false>><<set $become to false>><<set $light to false>><<set $as to false>><<set $thick to false>><<set $wax to false>><<set $is to false>><<set $dissolving to false>><<set $eyes to false>><<set $begin to false>><<set $see to false>><<set $shape to false>><<set $plum to false>><<set $dark to false>><<set $then to false>><<set $pale to false>><<set $lilac to false>><<set $white to false>><<set $has to false>><<set $that to false>><<set $step to false>><<set $now to false>><<set $they to false>><<set $will to false>><<set $take to false>><<set $somewhere to false>><<set $keep to false>><<set $it to false>><<set $or to false>><<set $navigate to false>><<set $feet to false>><<set $off to false>> <<set $can to false>> <<set $feel to false>>
//The end of the world, not a cloud, not a ghost,
Put your head against mine and teach me how it goes—//
<img src="https://i.postimg.cc/gkNnnNHP/Illustration-by-Jean-Bernard-digitally-enhanced-by-rawpixel-com-299.png" width="597" height="190">
[[about]]
[[begin|walk]]
<<linkreplace "the whole ground falls away.">>
there's a glimmer of light within,
a shape which seems to be her reflection,
but somehow she isn't sure.
she [[steps towards it.|through time2]]
or she can [[turn away.]]<</linkreplace>>the woods seem to darken before her eyes.
new branches striking out the sky and the snow.
but she tries to run forward regardless,
even though all she can find [[is|xtime25]]clouds like frost over empty fields,
clouds like eroding riverbanks,
clouds like ashes upon the [[hearth,|new3]]from the clouds form a door —
and around it, white roses are growing.
she reaches out and [[opens it|new4]].there are more flowers decking the table.
the fire is out, but it’s warm,
+ sparrow isn’t there.
+ she turns to the window and all the woods are wreathed in a kind of white-purple glow, but it’s not a winter light.
she turns and opens the door [[again.|new5]]+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + it’s spring + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + but a spring that is biting into her + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + a sun she cannot take + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + she tries to run back + + + + + + + + +
+ + + but her feet are catching on the wet ground + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + [[+|new6]] + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + she falls + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + and sees them above her + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + a lead spot against blue sky + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + [[+|new7]] + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + their wings ! + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + and her body like wax + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + ++ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + sinking into the clay + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + [[+|new8]] + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + blood turning to meltwater + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + body to veins of schist + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + ++ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + [[+|start]] + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +sparrow opens the door from the inside before she can reach for it. her reflection distorts in the glass pane as it swings [[past.|next3]]she takes something out of her pocket and hands it to them. a sprig of wintergreen.
//i found it on the way.//
sparrow tucks the plant behind their ear.
//maybe soon there’ll be other berries to pick,// they say.
she pauses, always uncertain of how much to say to these comments. //the ground’s frozen deep.//
//it could [[melt.|next4]]//they both enter and sit down at the table.
she looks at them and then squeezes her eyes shut for a second like she’s trying to save the image of the cold light tracing their shoulder, the wintergreen leaves intertwining with the curls of their hair above their ear,
//i’ve been trying to get here to talk to you,// she says.
sparrow just looks at her.
//every time i think about it it’s like everything is falling into a deep pit.
how do i ask for more when we’re everything we have?//
they get up from the table and take charcoal and paper from where she left it on their bedstand. //can you draw it for [[me?|next5]]//and she takes the charcoal and starts [[to.|next6]]and with the first lines something begins to [[lift.|next7]]and with the next something massive crashes [[outside.|next8]]she drops the charcoal and jumps panicked to the clouded window and a huge chunk of ice has broken off the roof.
and as she stands there, she realizes there’s something in the distance that she can feel but can’t quite see.
so with her finger she traces its shape in the fogged [[glass.|next9]]and when she turns [[around,|next10]]
there’s no one else in the [[room,|next11]]but in the distance
she can hear the sound of [[birds.|start]]